Ode to a new year

So, as 2009 came to a close, a new decade emerged.

I am sure you all have many goals and objectives that you wish to reach in 2010. I wish you all the best of luck, and hope after a week, you realize that just changing your mindset is a better accomplishment than setting a time restriction on becoming who you want to be, that being said, here’s my new found look at life:

I am now in charge of my life; which means every dollar, food item, beverage all enter me with my permission and the understanding that I condone its presence. Yes, my pocket is a slot machine.

Moving forward in the business world, management is not really my forte because I am controlled more that the average joeblow who just does his/ her job and goes home. PLus, women in management seem to be  a one way ticket aboard the “I am a cunt from HELL” trainwreck.  Give a woman a title and her vag swallows anything that made her remotely tolerable. There are of course, exceptions to this, and one day, I will set my little heart on a detailed post about “Women in Management”. Consider it like a National Geographic episode.

That being said, my mind has changed a lot on who I picture myself to be and I am moving forward to complete that puzzle. I am enrolling back in school, working on split degree that appeals to my brainy side, and my music side. I am pretty much tired of feeling like I lost little pieces of me along the way.  NO excuses anymore, I am in charge of my destiny and I will be damned if anyone gets in the way of that.

As for the rest of you, do what you want and feel what you want, but don’t regret it. You make the choice and hold the power in your hands.

My first publish!

Horraahh for me today!

My associated content short story was published today, and I must say, after all the bullshit the past week this is very promising for me! The best thing about this is the more people that read and recommend it, I get paid! Uber excitement on my end!

So, follow the linkage and let me know what you think!

An Undead episode

Pron- not really.

So, I am not the avid pron fan. There are many things about pron that I just can’t get into.

Now, don’t take this as a bash on sex, because, well, I do enjoy it and partake in the event. Watching other people have sex , even if it is with a door knob, just isn’t my thing.  It’s kinda like sports… I understand the purpose, but would rather play than watch.

So my reasons outside of that:

1. It’s fake as all hell. The people on that screen don’t really like each other or act that way away from a camera.

2. It’s disgusting. Pron has it’s variances, from the normal “givingmymanaknobjob” to the extremes of ” 2girloneuberdisgustingcup”.

3. Homemade porn= barf bag. The people usually are uglyasfuck, the cinematography is like a five year old holding the camera, and just ewwww…  I really don’t want to peer into the litter box of some people’s homes.

4. Some of it is just reallyfuckinstrange. I don’t want to see a woman bang a horse, a three liter bottle, or even her step dad.

There are many reasons I am sure I could list here, but enough said. Feel free to list why you like or dislike pron. I am sure we all have our reasons why it works/ doesn’t work for us.

Cyber Stalkers- Thought for the Day

It’s scary to know that people watch your every move online, and I know the hard way that people like to fuck with other people as well.

Do yourselves all some good-

protect yourself

be yourself and above all

- believe yourself.

Here on the nets, especially those cyber stalkers out there, live off of every word and picture, update, thought and practical piss you take online. All you can really do is just know that you have a right to be human and live your life just like everyone else.

I find it humorous when people try to relate themselves to my poems or posts referring to something they may have said or done, when they don’t realize many things may be old or in non relations. But, you know what, that is what makes writing so damn fun, the room for perception and interpretation is vast. Remember, it’s not all about you

So I leave you all with the promise that I will post more, I will open up the horizons and the thoughts that intertwine here, and well, get off the lazy ass of mine and give the cyber stalkers something good to “thunk “.

Until next time…

stay away from AM radio!

We’re not gonna take it!

I have been doing a lot of self reflection lately.

There has been so much shit going on in this world that it’s astounding people sleep. Everything from diseases to the next step our economy will take………..seem to be SO DAMN DEPRESSING.

I have been listening to talk radio the past couple weeks,  a- because I had all of my cd’s stolen a few months back and b- try listening to fm and you will want to pry out your eardrums after hearing the same song every hour, just in a different mix.

So, yeah, talk radio is really fucking insane. I don’t have to listen right? Silence would be better? Nay I say! It’s highly entertaining insaneness. The left vs. the right, Michael jackson vs. the media, and make sure you buy your gold!

So what is my opinion on all of these issues? It would be better left silent. I don’t think anyone would be willing to listen, because those issues are more of a pissing match, and honestly, my efforts can go elsewhere. Which leads me to the point of my blog.

We shouldn’t be taking this shit. Why are we letting to media sources dictate our lives like we do? Conspiracy this, smear campaign that. When are we going to finally pull the plug  and say, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?

We let this shit into our brains on a daily basis, and we milk it for every last fucking drop. Trolls get to stalk celebs and report all the trash and nasty smells that waft into celebrity status daily. Politicians get the limelight and progress forward with the bastardization of the “American Dream”.

We all sit here and buy the latest tabloid, tune into the latest news station and just watch our lives pass us by. Don’t you have something better to do than buy into the variables that are destroying our future? Our problem is that we bicker and bitch too much that we forget about some of the most important things we all have. Look around you. While this world is wasting away, we chase the newest fashion style ( which is NEVER new, just a respawn).

Blow up your television ! Turn off your radios! Disconnect yourself from the madness. Just two weeks of it has already turned me.

I am off to see the wizard, and this time, it won’t be on an AM station.

Um, like, and all of those fun little filler words.

Um, uh, yeah, like, I totally uh, hate it when uh, people can talk.

See how annoying that was? Yesterday, I decided to take a tally on the amount of times two people who conducted a meeting said the word “um”.

The lead of the meeting said “um”: 56 times in the 45 minutes they spoke. That is at least once a minute, and completely unacceptable in the manner of speaking professional and properly.
The other person who had a two minute piece about a new change in the department said “um” 21 times. That’s once every SIX SECONDS.

Do you expect people to take you seriously? You are better off saying nothing at all than interjecting  a useless word in between.

And don’t get me started on “like”. Sometimes I want to stab people for using that word outside of comparison.

Just for clarification my readers :

um :
a sound denoting hesitation

Like:
adjective
1. of the same form, appearance, kind, character, amount, etc.: I cannot remember a like instance.
2. corresponding or agreeing in general or in some noticeable respect; similar; analogous: drawing, painting, and like arts.
3. bearing resemblance.
preposition
6. in like manner with; similarly to; in the manner characteristic of: He works like a beaver.
7. resembling (someone or something): He is just like his father. Your necklace is just like mine.
8. characteristic of: It would be like him to forget our appointment.
9. as if there is promise of; indicative of: It looks like rain.
10. as if someone or something gives promise of being: She looks like a good prospect for the job.
11. disposed or inclined to (usually prec. by feel): to feel like going to bed.
12. similar or comparable to: There is nothing like a cold drink of water when one is thirsty. What was he like?
13. (used correlatively to indicate similarity through relationship): like father, like son.
14. (used to establish an intensifying, often facetious, comparison): sleeping like a log.
15. as; such as: There are numerous hobbies you might enjoy, like photography or painting.

So are you hesitating? Are you comparing two items? Is someone “like” something else?

FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY.

You are killing me softly with each word.

Thank you for your time, patience, and hopefully, sound understanding of how much of a fucking idiot you may sound like(see I used it correctly) when you decide to speak incorrectly.

~Ciao!

Cha- cha -changes

So I have decided…. I need to make an overall improvement, or a “revamp” shall I say of myself. There are areas in my life I am lacking, or feel that I am. Drastic changes need to be made:

1. Appearance- I don’t understand why I am so fucking hard on myself about this. I have a reason that I am poorly out of shape and not comfortable with my shell. My skin is poor since the baby, not only with stretch marks but also breakouts that make me cringe when I look in the mirror. I know I have never been the playboy bunny, or the top model; I can however, make myself more presentable. I don’t have a flattering body type, my hips are huge, my leg muscles are larger, and realistically, I cannot weigh less than 150 without looking like a meth junkie. I need to focus on getting back in shape, crunching down the waistline, and reducing stress so my skin is not so terrible.

2. Profession- So I recently got promoted. I cannot tell you how many times I have disappointed myself when :
a. One of my trainees failed. Was it the system? Was it me as a person not being able to recognize flaws or learning styles? Could I have accommodated them better to suit their success?
b. I don’t meet a deadline, or submit poor work quality. I am supposed to be the leader of the team, yet I fail miserably? Maybe I am too hard on myself, but to speak honestly, that is how I got the position in the first place. I step up and prove myself in many ways, but when I fail, I take it to heart. Every time something doesn’t get done, the perfectionist inside of me dies a little. I need to change this, immediately. Otherwise, I could not only potentially loose the position, but loose the confidence I hold. I know I can change this. Determination, focus, and slowing down will help me. Speaking up when I have been overloaded will also show that I can voice my concerns. Always wanting to do everything has it consequences, and I cannot let the “control freak” inside of me run rapidly out of breath.
c. Have a true focus or direction. What do I want to do and maintain? I like management, training, and overall development. I need to make sure that I am 100% solid on communication whether its verbal or written, present myself at high standards, and commit to whatever my future holds.
d. Make myself more approachable, which I don’t really think is too much of a hassle, but I don’t want to give the impression that I snarl every time someone needs my assistance. I really have become better at this, but I think in the long run, it will always need work. I tend to display my thoughts loudly in expressions, which may sometimes scare people away.
e. Become all I can be. Prove that I can go the extra mile, and make sure people recognize me for that.

3. Finances- get them in order, and start saving. I know this year will be a rough one, hell living in a motel for the first few months proved that already. Things still need to be taken care of, which I am more than willing to be accountable for. I don’t want any more issues in the future. Too long have I scraped by, or lived paycheck to paycheck. I want a solid future for my little one, and a stable environment for her.

4. Find my passion again. For the longest time I was overindulged with art, music, photography. I feel that I have lost a part of myself because I have not continued to develop myself further artistically. I need to start writing again, or singing, playing, something! I have spent too much time away from my true passions in life that it is begining to wear me down.

5. Become social again. I have lost many people along the way, and I am trying to figure out if it was me, or just circumstance. I know why some people are gone, because they were never truly there in the first place. Also, I am too direct and honest for many people. If I feel a person is being stupid, I call them out on it. Some don’t like that approach, but I refuse to change that part of me. I do not follow the party scene, yes I can have a good time, but it doesn’t have to involve booze and useless conversation. People come and go, that I know, but just once, can someone decide to stick around?

6. Be the best mommy a mommy can be. This above all, is the most important to me. I have something more to gain when I know that I have done everything in my power to provide for her. I don’t want her to have the childhood I did. I want to have what she needs, but to also appreciate life.

None of this will be easy, but it is a start, and hopefully, a better future for myself and the others that have to deal with me.

What can I say?

Blogging is so… 2005? Oh well. I figured jumping on the Bandwagon would be a good experience to start writing again.